Five Ways to Give Poor Advice

Giving poor advice is a form of art. Like other forms of art, it requires both talent and diligent practice. Here are some simple techniques you can use to hone in on your poor advice skills. All you need is a brief moment of silence (optional) and a vulnerable person who has not asked for any advice, opinions, solutions, or guidance whatsoever (essential).

  1. Give it at once. Do not waste time waiting until your target person has finished explaining their concerns. Poor advice must be shared as quickly as possible. You do not want them to think you are really listening.
  1. Pay no mind to objections. Know that your person may attempt to redirect the conversation or disagree with your solution. Although you may feel tempted to stop the advice-giving due to feeling unappreciated, do not give in. Similarly, ignore any hesitation by your person and proceed as planned. They will appreciate you later.
  1. Impose your worldview and values. Do not forget this part. What you believe goes. Likewise, what worked for your aunt last year will definitely work in this situation too.
  1. Show superiority. After all, you have figured out how to live. It is your responsibility to reach out to those unfortunate others who have not made it as far. Your person might even claim that their problems are complex. You know better. Now tell them!
  1. Be adamant that your person follow through with the advice. Poor advice is like good wine – it should never go to waste. Use words like “must” and “should”, and be clear that not doing what you suggest will be a mistake.1936896_100012509999_4257113_n

In rare cases, these steps may not suffice. You may have encountered an ungrateful soul who insists on finding their own path or stubbornly rejects your unsolicited help. If so, your best course of action is to exit the conversation with an audible sigh and an at-least-I-tried expression on your face, thereby communicating your concern for their wellbeing. One day, they will regret not taking your word. Who could possibly find their way without your clear and simple directions? And when that day comes, you better mention you told them so…

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